Things I want right now: A and B.
If Sophia wants A and B, and in order to gain both, she must do C. However, she procrastinated doing C, and it is too late to do C to get A. Now, she could possibly still achieve A by doing A^2. If she starts doing C and A^2, how quickly can she achieve B? Additionally, if she does achieve A, will she be able to also achieve B?
there you go. your daily demonstration of why what you learned in high school algebra does relate to your real life.
Wait. These bloopers are actually perfect.
"I’m writing all these stories, but I’m not living any of them. If I’m not telling my stories, who’s am I telling?”
GIRL smoking pot in her room with a candle lighter at night. Blows smoke out window. She looks around the room as she smokes. She picks up a miniature blinky wand and puts it around her wrist. She continues smoking. She looks around some more. She decides to put a box back on the bottom shelf, which leads her to sit down afterward on her giant bean bag chair. Now this next sequence can be done multiple ways. Here are my top two suggestions: 1) She looks at the pipe for awhile. She holds it sideways with both hands and says: 2) She takes another hit of the pipe, and while exhaling, says:
Girl: Oops. Relapsed.
She laughs. If she were sober she would be crying right now. She continues laughing to herself as she looks up and out her window. The camera is then coming down from outside the window, on her. The camera zooms out on her laughing. Camera cuts quickly to flashes of red. We’re inside a heart right now. We hear the beats gain speed with the sound of a heart monitor beeping in the background. Soon as we hear the flatline, blackout. Cut to a WOMAN grabbing her chest and waking up with a large gasp. she begins to yell:
Woman: Help! Help! Oh my god help! Come here, I’m having a heart attack! No response, but silence. I don’t care if you’re fucking high! Get in here!
GIRL comes in cautiously. Then when she sees the woman in writhing pain she begins to freak out and try to help (hits chest might be a strong choice, strong in a good way).
Girl: Mom! Mom! What can I do? What do I do?
Woman: Drive me to the hospital right now!
Girl: Begins to laugh. I can’t. I can’t drive. Where’s the even the hospital? Begins to laugh louder. Why can’t I cry right now? I just want to cry. The struggle of wanting to cry just makes her laugh louder and eventually slides down the wall onto the floor.
WOMAN begins to cry. In a desperate reach, she grabs for the phone to call 911, but she’s too late. It takes her. Zoom/slow spin out on the WOMAN dead in her bed, and the GIRL giggling on the floor in a curled up ball.
So… aging. Getting older. Becoming a grown up. There’s that thing that happens. I always thought I would stay myself forever. I worked so hard in middle school and high school to figure out who I was and what was important to me. I thought I had it nailed, but the process never ends! What the hell is this shit? You mean I keep changing as I get older? No matter what I do? Hold on. Let me get this straight. Self discovery is a load of bull crap because I’ll just have to keep doing it every day of my life? I know that there are so many people writing and creating art, expressing how hard and strange it is to grow up, but come on man! Shit’s getting real. “I feel so independent on the inside, but I’m still so tied down because you and dad pay for everything in my life.” Who says that? Certainly not Sophia Marie Grosso, the cute, little girl who loves improv and musical theatre. Oh, wait… she’s gone? Aha, I see. She’s a part of me, but because I’ve lived longer than her, I’m starting to understand more. And with understanding comes questioning. Oy vey with the questioning. So. Much. Questioning. Life? Love? Art? Family? Trust? OOOooooooOOofFFFfffFfffff! I’m going to go watch some Avatar: The Last Airbender, and stop thinking for a while.
I don’t normally post something unless I have some written-something-or-other or a video, but this was just too good. That, and I haven’t written anything in a very long time. Enjoy.
This is not creative in the slightest. It is just sheer stupidity that I thought some people might want to see.
L’esprit de l’escalier (or l’esprit d’escalier): usually translated as “staircase wit,” is the act of thinking of a clever comeback when it is too late to deliver it
"Pointless Park? Pointless Park?! Okay, let’s see… where did you go to school? Oh yeah, that’s right… you didn’t! What do you do as a job? You’re a pre school teacher. How nice. Oh you do community theater? See, that’s the interesting part. You seem to think my school’s program is stupid, but I’m the one learning how to hone my craft and turn it into a career that I can make a living off of. Bitch this ain’t no hobby! I got passion for theatre! (And yes, I spell it t-h-e-a-t-r-e because I’m classy like that.) And I’m sorry that you’re satisfied doing shitty little productions where you get to play the lead because everyone else sucks ass. I am an artist. I go to school with artists. I learn art… from artists. So why don’t you go teach at your glorified daycare center and I’m gonna go make my school proud by having a successful career in the theater. Is that, is that cool with you? Alright, cool." So… I totally said something… like…. along those lines…ish. Well, I mean, I would’ve, but there were some customers coming, and like by the time they were gone I just forgot that it even happened…. yeah. I totally would have said that to her face though.
Wouldn’t it be silly if whenever a girl got breast implants, instead if silicone, it was really turkey breasts? Like, “Hey doc, chop these puppies off. I’m sick of ‘em! I want you to sew these on!” Shopping for breast implants at the grocery store, tehehehee.
Growing up wanting to be a performer I would always look at celebrities’ backgrounds and compare my life to their lives before they were famous. You know, like, where they were born, where they went to school, etc. And I would look for each little similarity between myself and these celebrities. And, of course, if we had anything in common it made me that much more likely to become successful and famous. Christopher Mintz Plasse and I both did ComedySportz in high school. Nick Carter and I have the same birthday (January 28th you curious children). Paris Hilton’s dad is an entrepreneur, as is mine. So clearly the meaning of all this is that I will have an awesome film career full of hilarious films starring hilarious, awesome people. Then I will have an excellent music career with a band full of people I had never met until we were placed together by our record company. And this will all be possible thanks to my sex tape because literally nobody on the planet knew who I was before I took my clothes off in front of a night-vision camera.